Nail Varnish

I took my nail varnish off today. My Gel Varnish done with UV light and great care. My purple varnish that changes colour in different light. My nail varnish that makes my hands look really feminine (in a certain light and after a lot of hand cream).

There are many reasons why I love nail varnish:

(1) I love the way it makes my hands look (see above);

(2) I love the way it makes my nails look because the are wide, ridged and scarred, with nailbeds so damaged (see (3) below) that the white bits on some fingers start half way up. They are, to be honest, an old man’s nails, not even an old woman’s. With varnish I can shape them into thin, delicate woman’s nails;

(3) It stops me picking my nails! I remember having my nails cut in the house we moved from when I was 11 and my mother cutting one too short. Short enough that it hurt. I remember worrying and picking at that nail, you know how it is when something is a bit sore and starts to heel, a scab you have to pick, an itch you have to scratch. After that I never really had to have my nails cut again. Now, don’t get me wrong, I did not bite my nails (well hardly ever, that damaged the cuticles too much and made the bleed!), I picked them. Until they were raw. Fingers and toes! For 40 odd years. Until the day I put on nail varnish. And felt my nails. They were no longer flaky (a by-product of long term picking), they did not split every time you felt them and they grew!

(4) I love the way it makes my nails feel, the heaviness, the smoothness, the hardness.

But I got back to work the day after tomorrow and so have to return to stealth. So tomorrow I will put on clear varnish, 2 layers and a top coat. This does not satisfy (1) and (2) but it does for (3) and (4). And two out of four ain’t bad. Not great, but not bad!

Published by Charlotte

Closeted Transwoman.

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