How do I talk about Self Harm without making myself cry? How do I talk about Self Harm without making the people most important to me cry or angry? Self Harm? Me?
I don’t cut myself, I don’t starve myself, I don’t gorge and purge. But I do “poison” (I will explain) myself and I do inflict pain upon myself. Not pain that will leave a mark, not even bruising but …….
But first the “poisoning!” This one requires some background. I was recently (Well 14 months ago) diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Now it has been shown that with some lifestyle changes (such as eating less sugar, reducing fat, exercise and losing weight) this can be reversed.
Recently I have not been allowing Charlotte to be present at all and have been to the shop every day and bought a family pack of iced buns, iced doughnuts, chocolate chip cookies. You get the picture! And eaten the lot.
In 5 minutes!
And felt really ill, shakey, sick afterwards.
When I decided that I had to stop, I couldn’t. I just kept on going. All the weight I had lost – went straight back on. I was gorging on sugar, really damaging my body. The body I hated. The body that betrayed me every day. When I finally allowed myself to be Charlotte again sometimes, I stopped buying the cakes.
The hurting is for another post.