Nail Varnish

I took my nail varnish off today. My Gel Varnish done with UV light and great care. My purple varnish that changes colour in different light. My nail varnish that makes my hands look really feminine (in a certain light and after a lot of hand cream).

There are many reasons why I love nail varnish:

(1) I love the way it makes my hands look (see above);

(2) I love the way it makes my nails look because the are wide, ridged and scarred, with nailbeds so damaged (see (3) below) that the white bits on some fingers start half way up. They are, to be honest, an old man’s nails, not even an old woman’s. With varnish I can shape them into thin, delicate woman’s nails;

(3) It stops me picking my nails! I remember having my nails cut in the house we moved from when I was 11 and my mother cutting one too short. Short enough that it hurt. I remember worrying and picking at that nail, you know how it is when something is a bit sore and starts to heel, a scab you have to pick, an itch you have to scratch. After that I never really had to have my nails cut again. Now, don’t get me wrong, I did not bite my nails (well hardly ever, that damaged the cuticles too much and made the bleed!), I picked them. Until they were raw. Fingers and toes! For 40 odd years. Until the day I put on nail varnish. And felt my nails. They were no longer flaky (a by-product of long term picking), they did not split every time you felt them and they grew!

(4) I love the way it makes my nails feel, the heaviness, the smoothness, the hardness.

But I got back to work the day after tomorrow and so have to return to stealth. So tomorrow I will put on clear varnish, 2 layers and a top coat. This does not satisfy (1) and (2) but it does for (3) and (4). And two out of four ain’t bad. Not great, but not bad!

New Year Resolutions

It is New Year’s Eve and I am sitting teaching my son Advanced Higher maths (or math if you follow the American convention). We went “sales”shopping yesterday and l bought a new, beautiful Christmas jumper in the Next sale; I am wearing it tonight to the children’s teenage NYE party.

I am excited about this but I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about New Year’s Resolutions! My first idea was that I should resolve to write this blog every day. In fact I sat down this morning to do my first post of this year while tutoring the boy. Since then I have got clean, tidied up a little, cooked 2 courses for 11 people, had lunch and done some shopping. And I am only on paragraph 2. Oh, and I’ve done my nails!

1) So I have to cut myself some slack and endeavour to write at least one blog a week

2) I am overdue my next appointment at the Gender Identity Clinic, so I have to make an appointment to attend. Now on the face of it, this seems to be very easy, however I have misplaced the letter so am going to have to work out who I email to make the appointment. But, more importantly, they are going to ask me again what I want to do about my gender now that I have been diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria and that is a really depressing question. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place as I really want to transition, but my wife, who I utterly adore, is adamant that I should not, as she is not gay, likes me as I am and would leave if I even begin the process. Actually that is not fair, I think we would still live together but not in the same way. So, before I can complete 2, and attend the appointment;

3) I have to decide what I am going to do.

Happy New Year

Tucking Update

Recently, I have begun a new addition to my tucking routine. I read about it years ago but have never been brave enough to try it before now.

Even using control knickers it is very difficult to remove all evidence of my “maleness.” If somebody was to do a “Donald” and grab me by the (genital area) they would be able to feel the outline of my penis and in my head I can see it sticking out from anything I wear. I find myself having to concentrate on NOT constantly checking that it is not sticking out obviously. Because, obviously, it is not good form, socially, to constantly feel your own groin (or anybody elses for that matter)

So what am I doing differently? (Whispers) I am using sanitary towels. Yes you read that correctly, I am using sanitary towels. They add a bit of stiffness to your knickers and this means that you are unable to see, or feel, your own appendage. Indeed, I once manage to get my underwear so tight that I was able to actually make it numb, thus making it unfeelable in more ways than one. That was a great day. Though the pins and needles as the feeling came back were a bit odd!

‘I am not here to entertain’: meet Thailand’s first transgender MP

What an article of hope!

‘I am not here to entertain’: meet Thailand’s first transgender MP

Tucking – Part V – Shapewear

I wore gaffs for months but my wife and children got fed up with having to sort out waist bands and little tubes of nylon from the washing pile. So I needed to find something else.

I haven’t worn men’s underwear for years and, to be honest, have absolutely no intention whatsoever to do so again. But my life really changed for the better when I bought a cheap equivalent of Spanx Pants!

The relief was almost instantaneous. I loved them. For the fnt time ever, I could look down at myself and be happy with what l saw and felt. I could tuck everything away so tightly and neatly that I couldn’t feel my penis there at all. This threatened to cause a bit of a problem because all I wanted to do was constantly feel myself down there, I was so happy!

This is how I feel now. I wear them to bed. I wear them all day! No longer do I have a bulge down the front of my trousers. So, even when l am dressed as a man (pretty much all the time) inside l feel like a woman.

l. Love. It.

%d bloggers like this: