It is New Year’s Eve and I am sitting teaching my son Advanced Higher maths (or math if you follow the American convention). We went “sales”shopping yesterday and l bought a new, beautiful Christmas jumper in the Next sale; I am wearing it tonight to the children’s teenage NYE party.
I am excited about this but I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about New Year’s Resolutions! My first idea was that I should resolve to write this blog every day. In fact I sat down this morning to do my first post of this year while tutoring the boy. Since then I have got clean, tidied up a little, cooked 2 courses for 11 people, had lunch and done some shopping. And I am only on paragraph 2. Oh, and I’ve done my nails!
1) So I have to cut myself some slack and endeavour to write at least one blog a week
2) I am overdue my next appointment at the Gender Identity Clinic, so I have to make an appointment to attend. Now on the face of it, this seems to be very easy, however I have misplaced the letter so am going to have to work out who I email to make the appointment. But, more importantly, they are going to ask me again what I want to do about my gender now that I have been diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria and that is a really depressing question. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place as I really want to transition, but my wife, who I utterly adore, is adamant that I should not, as she is not gay, likes me as I am and would leave if I even begin the process. Actually that is not fair, I think we would still live together but not in the same way. So, before I can complete 2, and attend the appointment;
Recently, I have begun a new addition to my tucking routine. I read about it years ago but have never been brave enough to try it before now.
Even using control knickers it is very difficult to remove all evidence of my “maleness.” If somebody was to do a “Donald” and grab me by the (genital area) they would be able to feel the outline of my penis and in my head I can see it sticking out from anything I wear. I find myself having to concentrate on NOT constantly checking that it is not sticking out obviously. Because, obviously, it is not good form, socially, to constantly feel your own groin (or anybody elses for that matter)
So what am I doing differently? (Whispers) I am using sanitary towels. Yes you read that correctly, I am using sanitary towels. They add a bit of stiffness to your knickers and this means that you are unable to see, or feel, your own appendage. Indeed, I once manage to get my underwear so tight that I was able to actually make it numb, thus making it unfeelable in more ways than one. That was a great day. Though the pins and needles as the feeling came back were a bit odd!
I wore gaffs for months but my wife and children got fed up with having to sort out waist bands and little tubes of nylon from the washing pile. So I needed to find something else.
I haven’t worn men’s underwear for years and, to be honest, have absolutely no intention whatsoever to do so again. But my life really changed for the better when I bought a cheap equivalent of Spanx Pants!
The relief was almost instantaneous. I loved them. For the fnt time ever, I could look down at myself and be happy with what l saw and felt. I could tuck everything away so tightly and neatly that I couldn’t feel my penis there at all. This threatened to cause a bit of a problem because all I wanted to do was constantly feel myself down there, I was so happy!
This is how I feel now. I wear them to bed. I wear them all day! No longer do I have a bulge down the front of my trousers. So, even when l am dressed as a man (pretty much all the time) inside l feel like a woman.
When I first started “tucking” this is the method I used. I had heard the word and searched for it on Google. There are some really great videos out there on how to do this, cleverly showing no flesh, often over the top of jeans. But to cut a long story short, you need a pair of tights. Do not go out and buy some, because you need old tights, ones with ladders in, ones that you don’t mind attaching with a pair of scissors!
Firstly, cut off the waist band. You will also need a section of lower leg about 15 cm (6 inches) long. Through this short tube pass one side of the waist band so that the tube is in the middle with effectively two loops, one one each side of the tube. Put one leg in each of the loops, making sure that the waistband is not twisted inside the tube,
This is where the inguinal canals now come into their own. Finding the most comfortable way of doing so, (I usually lie on my back on the bed though a good one is to sit on a wooden seat, or stool, or coffee table) push each testicle into its Inguinal Canal. One you have done this, you will be able to feel them under your mons pubis,safely out of the way. At this point, you can now pull your (empty) scrotal sack backwards, between your legs and flatten your penis backwards over it.
Carefully, holding everything in place with one hand pull the gaff up with the other. l find it works best if you pull the front up too high first, which then means that as you pull the back up tight it forces everything into place. You are now wearing your first gaff! Finally, I put the rear part of the waistband between my buttocks, effectively turning it into a thong, and usually put a pair of knickers on top,
The main difficulty with removing the “crotch bulge” is that the only place to put it is between the legs, otherwise, with any form of tight clothing at all, an outline will be visible. In order to do this it is necessary to move the testicles out of the way! Now, the obvious thing to do would be to have them cut off, but this is often regarded as major surgery by a lot of people and not really achievable when getting ready for a day out.
Fortunately there is another solution!
When a baby is born with testicles, generally the testicles are held within the abdomen, not generally moving down into the scrotum until childhood. In fact, as “boys” that was the reason that we had to cough, in the past, while a nurse felt our ball bag. She was checking that both were there! In fact, one of my earliest memories is that one of mine wasn’t. At age seven, I had to go to hospital and lie on a bed while a doctor manipulated one of them, making it drop.
The journey that testicle made was through the Inguinal Canal. Nowadays I spend some effort each day making both my balls travel in the opposite direction. Those of you with testicles who have swum in very cold water will have experienced the feeling of “shrinkage” in the ball department. In fact this is a safety device, designed to protect the sperm. Some day that if you push them far enough up you can pass them out of the other end of the canal.