Tucking – part IV – Gaffs

3. Gaffs

When I first started “tucking” this is the method I used. I had heard the word and searched for it on Google. There are some really great videos out there on how to do this, cleverly showing no flesh, often over the top of jeans. But to cut a long story short, you need a pair of tights. Do not go out and buy some, because you need old tights, ones with ladders in, ones that you don’t mind attaching with a pair of scissors!

Firstly, cut off the waist band. You will also need a section of lower leg about 15 cm (6 inches) long. Through this short tube pass one side of the waist band so that the tube is in the middle with effectively two loops, one one each side of the tube. Put one leg in each of the loops, making sure that the waistband is not twisted inside the tube,

This is where the inguinal canals now come into their own. Finding the most comfortable way of doing so, (I usually lie on my back on the bed though a good one is to sit on a wooden seat, or stool, or coffee table) push each testicle into its Inguinal Canal. One you have done this, you will be able to feel them under your mons pubis,safely out of the way. At this point, you can now pull your (empty) scrotal sack backwards, between your legs and flatten your penis backwards over it.

Carefully, holding everything in place with one hand pull the gaff up with the other. l find it works best if you pull the front up too high first, which then means that as you pull the back up tight it forces everything into place. You are now wearing your first gaff! Finally, I put the rear part of the waistband between my buttocks, effectively turning it into a thong, and usually put a pair of knickers on top,

Or a bikini if I am sunbathing!

‘Environmentalists are horny right now’: how to make your sex life more eco-friendly

‘Environmentalists are horny right now’: how to make your sex life more eco-friendly


Tucking – part III – Inguinal Canals

The main difficulty with removing the “crotch bulge” is that the only place to put it is between the legs, otherwise, with any form of tight clothing at all, an outline will be visible. In order to do this it is necessary to move the testicles out of the way! Now, the obvious thing to do would be to have them cut off, but this is often regarded as major surgery by a lot of people and not really achievable when getting ready for a day out.

Fortunately there is another solution!

When a baby is born with testicles, generally the testicles are held within the abdomen, not generally moving down into the scrotum until childhood. In fact, as “boys” that was the reason that we had to cough, in the past, while a nurse felt our ball bag. She was checking that both were there! In fact, one of my earliest memories is that one of mine wasn’t. At age seven, I had to go to hospital and lie on a bed while a doctor manipulated one of them, making it drop.

The journey that testicle made was through the Inguinal Canal. Nowadays I spend some effort each day making both my balls travel in the opposite direction. Those of you with testicles who have swum in very cold water will have experienced the feeling of “shrinkage” in the ball department. In fact this is a safety device, designed to protect the sperm. Some day that if you push them far enough up you can pass them out of the other end of the canal.

I have never managed this!

That does not mean I won’t keep trying though.

My wife and I don’t have sex, and I have secretly been buying women’s clothes

This is a lovely article from Mariella’s regular column, giving some thoughtful advice.

My wife and I don’t have sex, and I have secretly been buying women’s clothes


Tucking pt 2 – Gaffer Tape

When I first started out on this long and tortuous journey l read everything I could find on how to hide the fact that I had a penis. Several articles that I now know were written by drag queens extolled the virtues of “Gaffer” or “Duck” tape. Two of them actually suggested wrapping the end of the penis in toilet paper so that the tape would not stick to it. All advised shaving all pubic hair off otherwise removal would be really messy!

There are obviously problems with this method, not least that the whole thing has to be undone and removed every time you need to go to the toilet. This is obviously OK if you are doing a performance for an evening, control your liquid intake and take it all off of the end. But it is obviously not a solution if you do it for the whole day and only have a 2 min time slot to go to the toilet at any one time. I suspect that, wearing duck tape next to your skin all day, every day, would cause a rash problem for a reasonable parentage of the population. So let’s not even go there. It could get quite sticky! And the thought of removing it……

Tucking Pt 1 – Crotch Bulge

If you attend any wedding or any other formal occasion in Scotland you will come across many men wearing a skirt – otherwise known as a kilt. Have you ever wondered why they wear their purse or “Sporan” hanging down the front of their kilt? Sure, they don’t have pockets but really it is there specifically to hide the bulge made by their genitalia. Presumably it is considered embarrassing in polite company to present everybody with a hint that behind this item of clothing is a flaccid (hopefully) phallus.

With men’s clothing and fashion, unless you are a male sprinter wearing Lycra shorts, this is often the only time this problem “arises!” Men’s trousers have an inbuilt bulge which serves to hide the problem. Suits are even cut to take account of whether you “dress” to the left or the right, ie. does your penis hang down your left leg or your right leg?

As a Transwoman there are a few parts of my body that I do not feel comfortable with, but hopefully you will understand when I say that my penis is one of those! I do not want it to hang down either leg, tailored or not. Last time l wore a kilt, I wore it without a sporan because l did not have that problem. And I did not have a bulge either, I am thankful to say.

Which brings me on to my tucking advice.

Tomorrow: Gaffer Tape

Self Harm, Part II

I said in my previous post that I would discuss hurting myself in my next post, so here it is.

Not long after I came out to my wife I noticed a very distinct burning sensation, literally starting in my right testicle and moving through my urethra. I remember feeling hopeful that, because I had to have an ultrasound scan, this would turn out to be a serious problem which would necessitate the removal of of both my testicles. My disappointment when it turned out to be a very minor infection which had cleared up before my scan was shocking to me and my wife. I had never before physically felt sick about a part of my body but this was quite a change as I have been feeling this more and more.

Now, as a closeted trans woman, there are various parts of my body that I hate. These would include my genitalia, my body hair (which is increasing ffs!), my musculature, my voice, my facial hair and my shape. This is by no means an exclusive list and I am also aware that there will be many non-trans people out there who would be able to put together a similar list.

Whatever your views on plastic surgery, this self-hatred is destructive and difficult to live with. This is exacerbated because my wife, my lovely, supportive and generous wife, is not bisexual. All the parts of me that turn her on are the parts of me that I despise.

I am still a sexual being, but in my mind I am a woman in a relationship with a woman. Loving her like that is what turns me on. I feel sexy if I am in bed with my breasts on. She does not. This, from time to time, can create a tension which can make the air around us feel statically charged.

The only way I can deal with this is to sleep whilst compressing my genitalia. I either wear shapewear in bed, effectively tucking all night with my testicle inside the inguinal canals. This can cause them to ache but that ache allows me to sleep. If I do not have shapewear available, I use ordinary knickers, but pull the front down and behind my scrotum thus cutting off some of the blood flow. My most successful night was when I had a numb scrotum in the morning.

Self Harm

How do I talk about Self Harm without making myself cry? How do I talk about Self Harm without making the people most important to me cry or angry? Self Harm? Me?

I don’t cut myself, I don’t starve myself, I don’t gorge and purge. But I do “poison” (I will explain) myself and I do inflict pain upon myself. Not pain that will leave a mark, not even bruising but …….

But first the “poisoning!” This one requires some background. I was recently (Well 14 months ago) diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Now it has been shown that with some lifestyle changes (such as eating less sugar, reducing fat, exercise and losing weight) this can be reversed.

Recently I have not been allowing Charlotte to be present at all and have been to the shop every day and bought a family pack of iced buns, iced doughnuts, chocolate chip cookies. You get the picture! And eaten the lot.

In 5 minutes!

And felt really ill, shakey, sick afterwards.

When I decided that I had to stop, I couldn’t. I just kept on going. All the weight I had lost – went straight back on. I was gorging on sugar, really damaging my body. The body I hated. The body that betrayed me every day. When I finally allowed myself to be Charlotte again sometimes, I stopped buying the cakes.

The hurting is for another post.

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